No Shoes

Updated June 15, 2008

By Paul Weiser

One thing you notice driving around, if you're a certain age, is ornaments in other cars. Compared to days past, there are fewer dashboard crowns and more sun-visor CD collections (dangling crystals hold steady)... but perhaps the most notable is an absence.

There are no baby shoes. Once, not that long ago, one car in twenty or less displayed, dangling from the rear-view mirror, a pair of little white leather shoes. Their significance was obvious: the driver's a parent. Like the equally popular (and almost equally vanished) tassel from a graduation mortarboard, those little shoes announced success and progress in life: an important milestone passed. Now - after a sputter of little black shoes and tiny brand-name basketball sneakers - they're gone. Why?

It's not enforcement of clear-windshield ordinances - there are still plenty of crystals, beads and dangling CDs. In part, the hackneyed rear-window "Baby on board" sign has taken shoes' place... but where shoes said, specifically, "proud father," the sign says "recent mother." So their absence signifies denying, not so much being a "breeder" (as sodomites would have it) but denying fatherhood.

Removal signifies acceptance that the status signified is bad and unpopular: dashboard crowns went because they were associated with being from New Orleans, hence one of the criminal, sad-sack water buffalo refugees (Mardi Gras beads are OK because they could be acquired just visiting). Denying paternity, though, is more than just fleeing responsibility: it's a statement that, on balance, bringing children into the world is undesirable in itself.

Which, in the lower-class milieu where baby shoes were popular, is no more than the truth. With today's public schools and junk youth culture, not to mention unwed fatherhood with its vicious sons and slutty daughters, only intact ("Baby on board") families have reason for pride or hope for progress.


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