By Paul Weiser
Let us discuss four related stances one can take toward the world - attitudes interrelated and sometimes mutually exclusive. Though language confuses the issue, analysis reveals what is to be preferred.
Consider pride, vanity, modesty and envy. Pride is an accurate understanding of one's own good qualities. Vanity is an overestimation of one's qualities, never kept to oneself (the word "pride" is also sometimes misused for vanity). Envy is irrational desire for others' harm, brought on by perceiving their valued possessions and qualities. Modesty is understatement of one's own good qualities.
The proud or vain tend to set off the envious: their estimates of self-worth (valid or not) can trigger envy's destructive feelings. But envy originates with the envious: it arises from perception rather than reality, and requires no actual trigger. So, though modesty tends to forestall envy it provides no final protection. Yet as we all have some envious tendencies, the modest are more pleasant to deal with than the vain or even the justifiably proud.
Thinking further, we discover these stances are not, in fact, mutually exclusive. One can be vain and envious, or proud while remaining modest (since pride and envy need not be externally expressed to exist). In fact, only vanity and modesty are true, exclusive opposites - though the proud seem less likely to suffer envy than the vain or even the modest.
All this being so, what is the best stance in a reasonably civilized world (one that excludes predatory dueling and demands neither extreme asceticism nor simpering benevolence)? The answer is surely pride inside but outward modesty - to "be more than you seem," as von Moltke advised. That this is the opposite of today's "self-esteem" and "group rights" ideologies - a poisonous stew of vanity and envy - is a problem to be addressed.
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