As the episode begins, Clifford and Rizzo the Rat are heading down into the darkened studio basement to change a fuse. Rizzo bumps his head into the fuse box in the dark, and Clifford flips the switch that turns the lights on. Clifford is about to head back upstairs, but Rizzo spies a dust-covered trunk with the label "Cahuenga." Rizzo decides to open it, and out pops Gary Cahuenga, a ventriloquist's dummy. Gary apparently has been in the trunk since 1956, and he thinks he and his partner Chick are performing on the Ed Sullivan Show that night. Rizzo and Clifford set him straight, and Gary realizes that he hasn't been to the bathroom in over 40 years. He runs off, but hits his head on the fuse box, turning the lights out.
Kermit's opening: none
Clifford's opening: "This week's show has tons of singers and bands and dancers. It brings new meaning to the term 'music heavy'." A piano falls on Clifford.
Kermit comes out to check on Clifford, who says (in a very pained voice) he didn't know a piano was going to fall on his head. Kermit points out he would have known if he read the script. Clifford collapses, and Kermit takes over the introduction. They go live to Gonzo the Great, who is broadcasting via satellite from the Lollapalooza concert. But Kermit walks over to him, pointing out that Gonzo is not on the other side of the country, he is on the other side of the stage. Apparently Gonzo's mom wouldn't let him go to Lollapalooza because she thought all the weirdos there would be a bad influence on him. Kermit, of course, thinks that it would be the other way around.
Gonzo says he's got something almost as good as Lollapalooza: the Lollapa-losers. These are all the bands that weren't good enough to make it on the real concert. The first act is the Benedictine Monkees. This is a group of tonsured monks, singing a knock-off of the Monkees theme.
After the song, they cut to Statler and Waldorf, who are on a ski lift and watching the show on a portable TV.
Statler: "This show's a lot like skiing." Waldorf: "How's that?" Statler: "'Cause it's going downhill fast."
Gary is down in the lobby, talking to Bobo the Security Bear. Bobo has caught Gary up on the history he's missed, including the landing on the moon, the breakup of the Soviet Union, and the discovery that bears are the smartest (and sexiest) creatures in the galaxy. Gary decides he doesn't believe it, and thinks that Chick, his old partner, is just playing a practical joke on him. Chick was apparently a real cutup, but as Gary always says, "You buy the donut, you buy the hole." So he heads outside and comes face to face with the world in the nineties. It takes just a glimpse of women wearing miniskirts and tattoos, and men with nose rings, to convince him that it's not 1956 anymore, and that the world has gone mad. As he runs off, Bobo comments, "Wait'll he gets a load of Dennis Rodman."
Gonzo has another Lollapa-loser all set to go, but Clifford isn't too keen on the idea. That is, until Gonzo tells him that it's the Smashing Pumpkins. Clifford tells Nigel the Director to cue them. But it turns out to be Carl with some singing pumpkins. As the pumpkins sing, Carl smashes them one by one. The last one stops Carl before being smashed. He says he's not a pumpkin (he's not), so Carl asks him what he is. The vegetable replies, "Squash." Carl says, "Don't mind if I do," and chases the squash off.
In the control room, Clifford is telling Gonzo he's had enough of the musical acts. So Gonzo says he's got Penn and Teller. Clifford thinks Gonzo must mean he's got a ballpoint pen and a guy who works in a bank. Gonzo says that would have been cool, but all he has is a guy named Penn and a guy named Teller. Clifford looks at the monitor, and sure enough it is the magical duo of Penn and Teller. Clifford is surprised, since he didn't even see them standing there. Gonzo points out that he didn't see the piano either, and he should probably start reading the script.
Penn and Teller do a trick where Teller is put in a box with a rocket ship painted on it. While a catchy song plays, Penn takes the box apart into different sections and moves them around the stage. As he does, Teller sticks various body parts out of the different sections. Penn finally reassembles the segments, and Teller is once again whole.
The audience applauds, and Andy and Randy Pig ask Penn and Teller "how did you do it?" So Penn and Teller show how they did it. They replace the box with one made of clear plastic, and remove a curtain from the front part of the stage so we can see under the stage. They go through the trick again, and this time we can see that Teller is popping up through a bunch of trap doors in the stage. When the trick is over, the pigs say it was great -- but how did they do it?
Gonzo is telling Clifford about the next act. Gonzo has found someone who will be sledgehammered into a railroad tie by a couple of American Gladiators (Zap and Ice) to the tune of the Can-Can. Clifford asks who this guy is, so Gonzo checks some papers and finds out that it's himself. As Gonzo heads out onstage, Clifford asks him, "Hey, why didn't you tell me you got an NEA grant?"
On stage, Gonzo is indeed being driven into a railroad tie by Zap (Raye Holitt) and Ice (Lori Fetrick). But back in the control room they are holding auditions to find a new partner for Gary. Bobo is first up, and Gary asks him, "Who was that lady I saw you with last night?" Bobo replies that he didn't go out last night, he stayed home and watched wrestling. Gary calls out, "Next!" Next is Seymour the Elephant and Pepe the Prawn. They sing their song:
Seymour: "I'm Seymour." Pepe: "I'm Pepe." Both: "We're two of a kind." Pepe: "We want to work with Gary." Seymour: "'Cause Chick he cannot find."
Pepe asks Seymour who was that lady he saw him with last night. Seymour reminds Pepe that they both went over to Bobo's place to watch wrestling. Gary finally speaks up, pointing out that: one, that isn't the punchline to that joke; two, wrestling wasn't even on last night (he checked); and three, he didn't see where he fit into this act. Pepe says they haven't figured that out yet, and Gary calls for the next person.
The next person turns out to be Beaker. Gary asks him the question, and Beaker replies with a series of "meeps". Gary says, "Again with the wrestling? Read my lips, wrestling was not on last night. Next!" Next is Rizzo, who is pinned under Gary's arm. Gary quickly calls, "Next!" Spamela is the next auditioner, but she too was watching wrestling with the boys. Gary despairs of ever finding a new partner in this madhouse. Rizzo takes offense at the comment, saying that this place is not a madhouse. Cut to the stage, where Gonzo is still being pounded. The camera pans over to Kermit, who turns to Clifford and says, "This place is a madhouse." So Clifford goes over to the window and tells Nigel to cue the Johnny Fiama Show.
We join the show already in progress. Johnny is complaining that the critics are accusing him of ripping off David Letterman. Johnny says that he doesn't understand it, and then throws a card away with the sound of breaking glass (just like on Letterman). Johnny then does a segment called "Sal on the Street", where Sal is rigged up with an earpiece so he can hear Johnny, and goes out in public and says whatever Johnny tells him to say. Johnny has him go into a laundromat and start harrassing one of the customers. Sal, unfortunately, gets banged in the head with the door to a dryer, and then gets stuffed into the dryer. When he gets out, Johnny tells him to say, "With your face, you look like you went 12 rounds with Mike Tyson." But it turns out that the guy Sal was harrassing is actually Evander Holyfield, who stopped Tyson in 11 rounds. Evander asks Sal who he's talking too, and Sal reveals that Johnny has been telling him to say all the nasty things. Evander says he'd like to meet Johnny, and Sal offers to show him to Johnny's house.
Statler: "Boy, I'm sure glad we're up here." Waldorf: "Why is that?" Statler: "Because after seeing that I really need a lift." They laugh. Waldorf: "We're gonna go out on that joke?" Statler: "No, we're going out on this one." Statler pushes Waldorf out of the ski lift. Statler: "That looks like fun." Statler jumps from the lift.
In the control room, Clifford is reading the script. Just as the script says, Rizzo runs in and tells Clifford that Gary is up on the roof and threatening to jump. Clifford checks the script to find out what they do and reads, "I know what to do, but I'm going to need Penn and Teller's kelp." Clifford can't figure out why Penn and Teller have kelp, until Rizzo points out that it's a typo, and should read "help".
So Clifford and Rizzo run downstairs and out on the street to try and stop Gary from jumping. Gary is about to jump when he suddenly sees a projected face. The face says it's Gary's old partner Chick, but the audience can see that it is Teller, wearing a mustache and wig. Penn is providing the voice. "Chick" tells Gary to give the Muppets a try, and that he doesn't need a partner anymore. "That's the way life is. It's like you always told me: when you buy the donut, you buy the hole." So Gary decides not to jump, and calls down to the Muppets on the street that he just saw Chick. But Gary loses his balance and falls. Bobo and another Muppet arrive with a stretcher and catch Gary. Gary says, "Great catch fellas. You could play for the Brooklyn Dodgers." Clifford and Kermit decide not to tell him about the Dodgers.
Kermit and Clifford go over to Penn and Teller to thank them for helping. Kermit asks them how they knew about that old line about donuts that Gary uses, and Penn says, "We read the script."
The scene cuts to the front steps at Johnny Fiama's house. Evander Holyfield arrives and knocks on the door. Johnny answers the door, but he's dressed as his mother. He tells Evander that Johnny Fiama doesn't live there anymore. Evander is about to leave when Johnny's Ma shows up and unmasks Johnny. She seems ticked off at Johnny being dressed up like a girl and wearing a wig. Evander runs into the house after Johnny, and there are sounds of shattering plates and breaking furniture as Johnny screams in pain. After a few seconds Evander comes out, though the sounds of violence continue behind him, since it is Johnny's Ma making all the noise. Evander says, "That woman's crazy."
The first outtake is from Bobo's audition. He rubs his nose, and then wipes his finger off on Gary's coat. The second is Clifford and Gonzo doing this rotating thing, while Gonzo says they could work in a department store. Next is from Bobo's audition again. Gary gets mad and shakes in anger, causing Bobo to say, "Ooh, that felt good." Beaker's audition provides the next outtake. Beaker keeps making this "uh" noise, prompting Gary to say, "What, you got a carburetor problem?" The last one takes place just after Statler and Waldorf fall off the ski lift. They fall back up onto the lift, which confuses them. They fall off the lift again, but Statler falls up onto the back of the lift.
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