Faith Steed Howarth

[Dad's Illness]

Alvin was not a man to complain or tell me. I think that afterward he would have told me if he could, but he couldn't, you know. The just gave me certain warnings and certain things when they came and told me I could take him home. They just told me that now he must never be excited or in any way stimulated. I can't remember the words, but they made it very plain. So, I had to keep, away from him, you see, I couldn't show real affection or him, but he knew how I felt, I'm sure. But, it was kind of sad. But, then he was so happy with his little shop. He made such beautiful things. He got ill. [something in here got lost] Would make almost anyone who would pay a little attention understand. He wasn't bashful about it. He could handle it.

But, the doctors had told me I must not - it would kill him. I hope he understood. I never kissed him or caressed him or anything. But, I was there with him and I've told you what the doctor said. The only time any of the doctors would ever talk to me. You know, a hospital that is Army run, a woman is nothing. "It's none of your business," all the way through. But, this one called in to the office. He said two or three things, now this is before we ever brought him home from the hospital. That it could kill him just like that. And, I kind of went "Ummph", you know. he said, "No, no. don't."d He said, "He's living an your faith." No that's what the man, who wasn't even a Mormon said to me.

Actually, I think some of them were some of his best years. Then he began having trouble again. In this hospital and that hospital. That's why I've had so much sympathy with buying these things for the [vets] because he said they helped him and gave him something to do. He liked to work with his hands.

Pammy never knew her father. He couldn't talk to her, he couldn't ... He said to me, "I don't know about her." For she was just a little girl and she was different from his boys. I don't know. She's never talked about it. I don't think in her own mind she's ever made up much about it. I'm sure it's why she's a nurse. I had that effect on her. She didn't have the friendship like you boys had with your dad or anything like that, you know.

But he loved that place and he could fix, work and do these things.

I know that you loved your father and you knew him well enough to understand and I think that you should know as much about him and we can know. But, he was happy there at home. You see, he had that little place down in the winter. He did a lot of that work. He could do just most anything. He had this one little office down there. Then he had that big place out there.

Well, I'll tell you the times starting with one of the times he was in the hospital when the doctor talked to me - the one time that he did because that was rather interesting. You see, that was after he couldn't speak. Well, this doctor called me in. He was quite a youngish man. Doctors have always avoided hospitals that there's any military control women absolutely unnecessary.

But, he did call me into his office and he told there were three distinct things the matter with him that could cause his instant death. Could just kill him, you know. I kind of just wilted. He said, "Don't, don't do that. Don't do that. He's living on your faith." Those are his exact words.

His [Alvin's] mother used to be just a little jealous. She said, "He doesn't want me, he just wants you." I think he was in a certain way depending on my belief and my wonderful belief that God would help - and He did. Then, I did. I asked of Him, if it is His will, that He would give us just a little more time. Then I think of the time he gave us. If he'd [Dad] been unhappy or sick or suffering all that time it wouldn't have been good. But, he had some pretty good times and some very happy times. They only thing I regretted about it mostly was he never got acquainted with Pamela like he would have done if he could have been able to talk to her. I mean, she was there, but she and her daddy were never as close as they would have been.

He [God] did help us, When he [Dad] was lying in bed, he'd just yell my name and I'd go and lie down and I would pray. But, I always said, "if it is Thy will." I've seen him just get right better. I don't know if it was just a pain or what, but he got along pretty good.

[Back to the 1960's]

I'll tell you. After he was sick, he was really considerate. I know that his trust in me was very, very strong. As the doctor said, you see, he was - that is why he lived that long. But, I'm glad he did and I know he is. He had his children that much longer. It was too bad, but Pamela never felt really close to him, although that's why she is a nurse.

It's kind of hard for a man at first, I think to - some it isn't - with a daughter. But, boys, their sons, you know, are very, very important not that he didn't love Pamela, he did, it that, but he didn't know how to deal with her. She was a very touchy little girl like her mother is. [Laughs]

The first time he was well enough so I dared leave Lucy and I - she was going to Hawaii with a group of singers and there was plenty of room and I could go. I talked with him and he said yes, he'd be all right. I didn't stay long but, he got along just fine. He even walked up to the store and bought something. I left it so the neighbors would watch, you know. But, that was long, long after.