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That's us alright. The Who Done Its. We are
just a band of loose lost souls with a common goal. Just to have a bit
of fun. Fun for who? For the Who Done Its, who else. Before you try
telling me you're own thoughts, let me finish about who we are, and then
if you think it will have any impact.. feel free to jack your jaws.
All my life I have heard they said this, it happened to
them.. Others have said.. "well, who is they or who is them." I now have
the definitive answer to that question and you may quote me on this.
They and them is anyone who is not part of the Who Done Its. That makes
you a they or a them. What matters to us is THDI. Nothing else. So, you
were about to say something? No? Just as well. But if you've a mind to
listen, I'll tell you a few of our exploits. Maybe even a bit more than
you really want to know, but hey, you look like a brave sort. Maybe you
can take it.... ehhehe maybe not. No matter to me either way.
As I said earlier, THDI is a loosely nit group. We don't
have any contracts or by laws or any other commitment to anyone but our
own personal selves. Selfish you might say? Sure. And why not? What did
life ever give to us that we are due anything back to it but hate and
distrust. Look around you. Look at Frank over there. Turn around Frank,
show this them your colors. Yeah, that's right. Hell's Angels, Utah. And
Frank is our music director at our dances.. Right Frank?
Hey, Bobby! Come on over here. Now, ain't that a pretty scar? Bobby One
Eye we call him. Hey Bobby, blink your scar for the pretty lady. Ain't
he a hoot? Now Rob over there, you don't want his attention. And don't
let him catch you staring at him either. We don't know much about him,
and none of us cares enough to risk asking. Laura over there, we call
her Miz LaLa, comes to us from the streets of L.A. I know for a fact
that she killed her last 4 pimps. Bare handed. But she is a wild one in
the sack I'm telling you!
Then there's Fran, and Hank, and Jerry. They were here when
I got here. They showed me the ropes. Care to see the scars from that?
Well, they rule the roost and they don't take no crap. I'd introduce
you, but you wouldn't even be an appetizer and they might take it out on
me for teasing them. So, what a pretty lot, hey? And you think any one
of them would be interested in your opinion do you? Well, just step up
to the podium, the mike is on. Second thoughts hey?
I was 28 when I came here. I was a pilot in an F16. Yeah, I
was taught to kill by the government. We didn't exactly agree though,
they didn't think I was supposed to enjoy it. Well, I always said love
the one your with. I still miss the feel of the trigger. Oh well, I
never did expect to keep nothing I liked. I don't know were most of the
others came from. We don't often sit around the camp fire jawing. Even
if we did, you couldn't believe none of what you heard. One of the
funniest ones around here was a kid named Marvin. Really funny kid. He's
moved on now. He was killed on a motor cycle trying to jump it into a
warehouse though the second story window. Said he wanted to steal some
pencils. Heheheh. That should tell you just what a fun guy he was.
Anyway, it was Marvin's idea to go around making all the fuss.
It's not really like any of us really wants to go around
tearing stuff up just for the fun of it... well, maybe it is, but it's
really for the most part, just to stave off the boredom. I know when I
sit around here for a while, and someone says, "Hey, let's go ransack
the house on the hill!" I'm right there with them. Not that I give a
damn about the house on the hill, just the lets go do something that
gets me. We could be out there murdering and mayhamming I guess, but
sometimes that's just too much like work. It ain't always easy for us to
just do little stuff. So if someone dies as a result of our pranks, it
is usually just an unintended bonus. Sometimes we even draft new members
of our ranks as a result of what we do.
But you gott'a know this. When we waltz into a nice big rich
man's house, with all those fancy plates lining the walls.. them plates
are going down. And chandeliers.. hey, you ever swung from one? It's
real kicks, especially when they come loose and fall. That's my
favorite. Bookshelves.. heheeh bookshelves were made to lie face down on
the floor, just none of 'them' seem to realize it. Glass is meant to
crack, mirrors are meant to shatter, loose things are just meant to fly
through the air. They always seem so shocked when they see this. hehhe
makes our trip worth while.
You are all so worried about what we might do next. Well,
what we MIGHT do should worry you. But really, what we CAN do and what
we MIGHT do are a long way apart. It takes nearly a dozen of us to turn
over a book shelf. Knocking all those plates to the floor is all I can
do, and as you can see, I'm a big guy! That swinging chandelier thing,
that's usually two or three of us. Broken glass and mirrors usually
leave a big ole ugly bruise on whoever broke them. Hell, even rocking a
rocker takes two.
Yeah, we're bored and we're angry. We'd do a lot more if we
could. For my part, it was my commanding officer that shot me down, and
robbed me of my physical body. Of course I'm pissed. I used to lift 350
pounds when I was alive, and now all I can manage is pushing over a 10
ounce dinner plate. Would I do more if I could? Damned straight I would.
But the next time your bookshelf falls over, the next time your mirror
cracks, and you wonder who did it.. it was likely as not the Who Done
Its who done it. And be damned thankful that's all we could do.
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