By Jenna Mcguire

She was getting up to do just that when she heard a light knocking at the door. Could it be Ivan, coming to rescue her from her thoughts? Bubbling, she nearly skipped to the door and threw it open. Suddenly, her feet turned to lead the weight of her stomach apparently on top of them. It was not Ivan, but Tyler. Tyler freaking Elliot. He stood there in his black leather trenchcoat, jeans, and a white undershirt framing that strange Egyptian necklace he always wore. His hair was it's usual artful, black, messiness, setting off the ruby stud in his left ear. And those eyes. He had the bluest eyes Melanie had ever seen. Her heart thudded fast in her chest. It should be a crime for a boy to be that pretty. Whacking the thought down with a sudden hammer of temper, she shoved her glasses hard against her nose. What the hell did he want? A thousand words crossed her mind, but she said none of them. Instead she just let out a strangled "Hi".

He answered only with a slight smile and a raise of a hand, asking to come in. Tyler looked, well, tired. Old maybe. Staring at her feet for a second, Melanie stepped out of the way to let him pass and closed the door. When she turned to him, Tyler glanced at the ceiling and opened his mouth. However, he said nothing, shutting his lips and falling back to the weary smile. Reaching out, he took Melanie's hand, using his thumb to open her palm. She took shallow breaths, stuck to her spot. Her body tensed at the all-too-familiar touch of his hand. Watching the scene through a haze of confusion, Melanie found she could do nothing.

With his free hand, Tyler reached deep into a coat pocket and pulled out a small box with a neatly folded piece of paper rubber banded to it. He dropped it into Melanie's open palm, and picked up her other hand and placed it on top. They stood there for a moment, his hands cupping her hands cupping the box. The smile vanishing, Tyler stared at Melanie with eyes of blue flame, and then he leaned toward her. Automatically, stiffly, Melanie flinched back, uncertain. Quickly, Tyler put his cheek against hers and whispered roughly in her ear. "Goodbye." And then, without warning, he pulled his face back and brushed her lips with his.

Melanie jumped. Staring at him wide eyed, her brain started racing. How dare he? Will he do it again? What right does he have? Don't stop. Get out. Stay. "Goodbye?" she squeaked.

For a moment, Melanie thought Tyler would kiss her again, but he didn't. Instead, he just squeezed her hands, giving her that smile again, and nearly ran from the room.

Gawking at the closed door, Melanie began to cry. Her insides were boiling like one of those fryers in a fast food place. She tried to identify the emotions roiling around: anger, hurt, longing? She was Ivan's girl, she thought fiercely. Ivan made her smile, laugh. Tyler...All Tyler had ever done was make her cry.

"Damn you," she growled, and threw what was in her hands at the door. Melanie had forgotten about the box, but now it lay against the door. Regarding it much like one would an adder for a moment, she went over and carefully picked it up. "Goodbye," he had said. What the heck did he mean? Was he being pulled from school, like so many others?

Sitting back on her bed with slow, careful motions, she removed the rubber band, separating the letter from the box. On the outside of the folded letter, Tyler had written "Mel" in neat, precise block print. She glanced from letter to box and back to letter again, and decided to read first. Opening the letter, she lay back on the bed to read.

Dear Melanie,

I know I really don't have any right to say anything to you, especially after what I did, but I'm going away for a while, and there is a chance I might not be back. I could not leave without telling you the truth; at least as much as I can, just in case. And I decided to write instead of tell you because I'm afraid I'd never get it out. I'm going to start out by saying that, yes, that strange night we shared means a whole lot to me. That sounded really wimpy, but I think you understand. It was probably the most special time I've ever had, despite what I said to you later. What I said that night was the truth. I did want you. I did want you to be my girlfriend. But I couldn't let it happen, so I tried to drive you away, let you think I was a total prick, make you choose Ivan over me. I thought it was better that way. That really wasn't fair to you, I know, and it hurt you. For that, I'm more sorry than I can say. I made a mistake. What you don't understand is why I said those horrible things, why I thought I couldn't let you get close. Ivan told you I had sort of an arranged marriage, and that's partially true, but it's more than that. It's a dark, dark world I live in, Mel. I don't know if I could or should explain it to you. All I know is I have been determined all my life not to be tainted by it, but I discovered it was too late. I didn't want it to touch you, too. I love you too much for that. I love you, Melanie. And that's the truth.

Tyler

Melanie just sat on her bed, trembling. The paper was softening in her damp palm, her face wet with tears. So many times in the last weeks, she had gone over what he had said afterward, when she had confronted him about his feelings.

Tyler shrugged. "I can't be with you, Mel."

"But what about...?"

"Sure, that was great. It was fun. But that was it."

"You said...you told me it was special." Melanie was near shrieking. "I thought Ivan was the bad one."

"Guys say a lot of things. Get used to it." Tyler stared at the sky and pursed his lips.

Suddenly, Melanie thought she got it. "It's the rich/poor thing isn't it. You can't date me 'cause you think your momma won't approve of someone without some kind of pedigree, right?"

Tyler shrugged again. "You think what you want."

"Have the balls to tell me the truth, damn you!"

Walking away, Tyler shouted over his shoulder, "Think what you want. You will anyway."

He had sounded so cold, so sure. Melanie had thought that was the real him, that he was a jerk. How could she not have seen through it? Suddenly, her hand hit the box where it sat beside her. Scooping it up in a shaky hand, she popped it open. "Holy shit. Is that real?!" she spoke aloud, surprise blocking out everything else for a small second. A gold cross lay across black velvet, a faceted ruby in its heart. Another small paper fell from the box, words written in the same, neat block print. "Almost every girl gets a diamond. You are not a diamond girl. Rubies are special, and the cross for your faith. Keep your faith."

For a moment, Melanie considered rejecting the obviously expensive gift. She certainly had never owned anything like it. But, she took the necklace out of its lush box and let it dangle. Her brown skin set off the gold and red. Then she reread the little note. Special...Undoing the clasp, she put it around her neck, and lay back, fiddling with the little cross. Now, she thought she knew the real Tyler, and let herself remember the night she had been trying so hard to forget.

Mel found Tyler outside, leaning against the stone wall of the cafeteria building, eyes squeezed shut. Everyone was acting strange, and Melanie felt strangely warm herself. Oh, she knew what it was, knew she had to get away from Ivan, who she liked. Everybody seemed to have been overtaken by a weird lust, so she had run. However, she did not want to be alone, either. Happening on Tyler must have been a stroke of luck. They were just friends, right? Therefore, she approached him. "Hey. Wanna go for a walk?"

"No."

"Look, I don't know what's going on around here, but I don't wanna be alone." Tyler pierced her with one open eye. Laughing, Melanie went on, "Not like that. I thought that maybe, since we aren't, like, seeing each other or anything, we could look out for one another. I mean, it's not like we're going to do anything, right? I don't like you like that, you don't like me like that, so.." That was right, she thought. Yeah. Just friends. No more. Tyler peeled himself away from the wall and started striding toward thetrees. "Sure. Whatever." Melanie hurried to catch up to him. Her stomach felt so tight she thought that she might get sick. Never had she felt so aware of her body. She walked faster. Once she reached Tyler's side, she studied him out of the corner of her eye. Yeah, alright, he was a pretty boy, with the hair and the eyes and the bod. He was smart, too. Her throat tightened. She also knew he only dated girls that were temporary bimboes, trophy girls. He'd told her as much. His current girlfriend was that blond airhead, Kelli. And he seemed to be really rushing to get away from her. Melanie almost tripped on a tree root trying to keep up. They were nearly at the lake, now.

"Hey, Tyler, slow down. I can't.."

Suddenly, Tyler stopped cold. "I don't think this is a good idea, Mel." His voice sounded strangled.

Halting, Melanie turned toward him. "Why?"

"Because..." Tyler grabbed her face and kissed her, hard. The heat seemed to start in her toes and filled her body with liquid fire. For a second, she did not respond to him. Then Melanie kissed him back, allowing his tongue to mingle with hers, pressing herself to him with an inexperienced need. They stumbled together like that until they found a spot near the lake where no one else would see.

Later, she woke from a light doze. Melanie was lying on the ground, covered only with a shirt. His shirt. With a start, she sat up, and realized she was very sore. She found Tyler with her eyes; he was sitting nearby in only the kakhi uniform pants, staring into the flame of a lighter. With great force, the knowledge of what she had just done flooded red shame into her, and poured out in great sobs. How could she have? She had always said she was going to wait. It was supposed to be special, not on the ground, with a lot of pain and a boy she hardly knew. She was not supposed to lose her virginity at thirteen. Gripping the shirt tightly around her as if it were some kind of armor, Melanie just sat and cried.

After a time, she felt an arm around her, a hand picking leaves from her hair. "Shh, don't do that." A voice, Tyler's voice, soft and tender in her ear.

"Why not?" she choked out.

"Because then you'll make me cry and that won't be very manly, would it?"

Despite herself, Melanie laughed through her tears. But the humor didn't last. Tyler sighed, "I hurt you, didn't I."

"It's not that it..It wasn't supposed to be...I mean..Not like this."

Tyler cupped her chin in his hand, forcing her to look at him. "It's supposed to be someone you care about? Well, I care about you. I've liked you since we met, Mel. I mean, you're intelligent, beautiful...I have no regrets." His eyes sparkled in the moonlight.

Melanie sniffed. "You think I'm beautiful?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, God. I do care about you, too. I did want you." Melanie couldn't help the sobs that came out again. "I was just too stupid to see it." "Don't." Tyler said again, brushing his lips feather light against her

cheek. "I mean, sure, it was awkward, and weird..." He trailed off when hertears didn't stop. "You think this was wrong, I mean really wrong. Damn. I'm sorry." Letting go of her, he turned away. "You know, you could be one of those 'second virginity' people, or something." Melanie heard him swallow. "Forget this happened. I couldn't, but.." Melanie let out a bitter bark. "Like I could, either. And I used to make fun of those people." She tightened her shaking arms around her. "Could you hold me?"

In an instant, Tyler was there, arms around her. Burying her head in his shoulder, she cried a little more. She could feel his breath against her hair. They sat like that for a long time, her weeping, him occasionally kissing her hair. Finally, Tyler whispered in her ear. "Alright, then, let me try to make it special for you, okay?" Melanie felt a hand trace up her leg, and she found herself nodding. And where there was pain before, there was ecstasy now. He did what he promised.

Melanie lay on her bed, body burning with the memory. God help her, she wanted Tyler. Thoughts of Ivan floated up from the back of her brain. He had never made her feel this way. Tears ran from her eyes down the side of her face. Did he love her the way Tyler did? Did she love Tyler? She thought so. Did she love Ivan? Was it possible to love both?

"Lord," she prayed, "help me be strong. Help me to do the right thing."