When
a child dies...What do you do when a child dies? What can you say to the family that will help?
We don't have all the answers, but we can tell you what helped us when Joseph died. So here are some tips from Michele and Peter:
- Tell them you are sorry, then shut up and listen.
- Avoid the urge to tell horror stories of people in similar situations.
- Say the childs name.
- Tell the parents what you love about the child.
- Don't say "I know how you feel" unless you've been in their shoes. You can't begin to imagine the pain that goes with the loss of a child unless you've lost a child.
- Feed them.
- Run errands for them.
- Do not touch the child's belongings without permission.
- Send money.
- Help them to do every little thing they want to do in the funeral service and in the days to come.
- Do not judge the parents for the things they want to do. It may seem silly to you, but you don't have to wake up each day and look at an empty nursery.
- Mark your calendar for 3 and 6 months from now. When those dates arrive, call and ask how they're doing and be prepared for an earfull.
- Acknowledge holidays. You don't have to celebrate, per se. But don't ignore them either. For example: Peter's mother sent him a Father's Day card and signed it "Remembering little Joe with love."
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