CHOICE AWARENESS is designed for use by counselors and others who work with clients in a variety of settings. It is intended to help counseling professionals explore their own choices and consider how they might use the concepts and strategies of CHOICE AWARENESS to help their clients.

Chapter 2 of CHOICE AWARENESS explores one of the unique aspects of the theory: counseling as spa. It suggests that counseling, while a serious matter, needs also to be made a joyful, positive, reinforcing experience.

Choice Awareness posits three levels of counseling: spa, learning, and relearning. Counselors generally focus their efforts with individual clients at one of two levels: learning or relearning. Here we suggest that they also always incorporate Level I counseling, counseling as spa. The focus in counseling as spa is on encouraging clients to appreciate themselves, their strengths, their abilities, and their interests, and on helping them to re-create themselves through enjoyable experiences.

When people seek counseling, what do they really want? Assistance with a long or short term difficulty or help with a decision, certainly. But do they want more?

When people return for counseling some time after they have completed what appeared to be a successful counseling process, does that indicate that counseling was a failure? Are they recidivists? What do they really want? Could it be that the counseling process in itself was so rewarding to these people — because they were encouraged to find good things to think and feel about themselves — that their central, underlying purpose is to renew those positive thoughts and feelings?

Why counseling as spa? Because all clients — from healthy, normal people who have an immediate need to those who experience extreme long-term difficulties — want to feel good about themselves and their world; and because clients enter counseling in part to gain these good feelings — even though their search is often overlooked because the focus of the effort is on problem-solving.

Many clients who return for counseling after a period of time do so because the counseling process itself felt good to them, because someone listened, because someone helped them gain a sense that their problems were surmountable and that they could handle them. Rather than seeing the return to counseling as recidivism and indications of failure, the counselor should consider whether or not their returns are indications of success and efforts to regain the positive feelings that occurred as a result of the experience. For many clients the counseling experience may have been almost-joyful, almost-exhilarating, and they hope in the inner recesses of their minds that the next exposure to counseling will take them further on the road to gaining the natural high they sense might be just ahead. Still other clients fail to progress as rapidly as counselors would have them; it is likely that some do so because they believe they will be cut loose from the benefits of the relationship if they agree that the problem is solved. The rationale for counseling as spa is that clients in counseling want to experience the joy of a relationship in which they are valued for themselves, and a process in which they are encouraged to feel good about themselves. Those are legitimate and positive functions of counseling.

In counseling as spa clients see counselors during the high points and plateaus of their lives, and during those times when they need to rise above the mire of their difficulties. They share their joys and excitements, the everyday and the mundane, and they present themselves as coping with the nuisances and aggravations of their lives — or they shake off those aggravations for the present. No problems of any great depth are presumed to affect clients deeply during the moments in which they seek spa as the focus of counseling. However, it may be evident that they need to spend some time in the learning or the relearning level of counseling.

Spa focuses on such matters as strengths, skills, self-concepts, life scripts, feelings about self and others, thought patterns, behaviors, and the sense of purpose or meaning. The exploration is undertaken in the same spirit as the exploration in the physical domain is undertaken in a spa. Attention is given to tightness and flabbiness, but the overall objective is the renewal of existing strength.

Counselors listen as clients reflect on the joys and commonplace events of their lives, "stroke them" for their self reported gains, "warm them" by supporting their efforts and their goals, and "massage them" to renew their strength for the struggles they face. The accent is on the positive, and the strengths and capacities of the individual are reinforced. At the same time counselors remain alert for the tightness that suggests undue tension, and the flabbiness that suggests insufficient exercise of their capacities, either of which may suggest that counseling as learning or relearning is indicated.

Nearly all clients will benefit if they and their counselors spend some time at spa level during the process of counseling. And it is likely that they will want to return to "take the waters" periodically, to engage regularly in the renewal and growth process offered through Choice Awareness. Either the counselor or the client may suggest counseling as spa, and either may suggest contracting for a deeper level of contact if that seems appropriate.

(There is an omission at this point of Spa Journal Entry suggestions as well as two entire sections: Level II: Counseling as Learning, and Level III: Counseling as Relearning) SPA The emphasis on helping clients achieve spa experiences in the course of counseling is one of the unique aspects of Choice Awareness theory. We believe that in the course of counseling most clients need joyful, reinforcing experiences that go beyond problem-solving. We see such experiences as spa or spa-like, and suggest that the counseling office, like the spa, should be a place where clients can seek relaxation and engage in positive, self-sustaining activities. Beneath the obvious or not-so-obvious presenting problem for most clients is a wish to feel genuinely good about themselves and to experience the joy of life and inner well-being, perhaps even beyond their capacity to imagine.

Some clients, especially those who are met in such institutions as public schools, colleges, universities, and employment settings, want nothing more out of counseling than a confirmation that they are OK, or that the decision they have made seems to be effective. Both can be seen as spa objectives. Others have worked through their problems and would like to revel in the joy to which they feel entitled as a result of their progress. Even those who are in a continuing struggle with some kind of difficulty may benefit from pauses in their struggles, during which they may be helped to feel good about themselves and their efforts.

Perhaps you, like most counselors, have focused on problem-solving — on learning or relearning processes. If so, you tend to overlook the need your clients have to experience the fullness of the joy of self-discovery and growth. You may see the attempts clients make to reward themselves as resistance to continued effort, or as evidence that the counseling process has been completed. Rather than providing a vehicle for enjoyment of the gains made, then determining whether further counseling is needed, you may return to your own agenda or terminate the counseling process.

In Choice Awareness theory, the need for spa experiences is readily acknowledged, and you as counselor are urged to offer such opportunities throughout the counseling process. The parallel to spa experiences in the physical domain remains relevant here. Physical spa experiences are rewarding because they feel good in themselves and because they are pleasurable and fun — even though they may clarify the need for developing additional skills, or for maintaining suitable body weight, for example. Similarly, counseling-as-spa experiences have their rewards because they feel good in themselves, and because the activities are pleasurable and fun — even though they may clarify the need for solving additional problems, for gaining interpersonal skills, or for achieving an improved self-view. Certainly, work ought to occur from the beginning of counseling, but as a counselor you may also wish to give attention to your clients' enjoyment of themselves, of the competencies they have, and of the gains they make — from the beginning of counseling.

In Chapter One we drew a parallel between the work of the counselor and the physician, suggesting that for you as a counselor, and for physicians as well, the offering of spa opportunities could be justified solely on the grounds of the occasional problem that would surface. A physician might learn that a client's nutritional habits involving a crash diet are counter-productive, or you might learn that one of your clients is relishing the extremes to which he or she has gone in assertiveness. Over and above the occasional problem that might emerge, however, we suggest that spa experiences are worthwhile on their own merit. Human beings have too few opportunities to receive reinforcement in their lives. Although both medical and counseling professionals might argue that using time solely for reinforcement would be a questionable practice, the potential contribution to the mental and/or physical health and well-being of clients clearly justifies the expenditure of some effort at achieving spa.

More than most other parts of this source, this chapter is experientially oriented. It suggests some points of discussion through which you may achieve counseling as spa with your clients, and offers you experiences through which you may achieve spa for yourself. One result of engaging in these experiences is that you should have a deeper understanding of your clients' reactions to the concept of spa. Another is that you should find it easier to create counseling-as-spa experiences with your clients.

Take a moment now and reflect upon the extent to which you agree with the following statement: I do many things well. You will be asked to note this in a journal entry later.

If you are like most people you may see your own worst side, dwell on the qualities you do not like in yourself, focus on what you cannot do or be, and in general express uncertainty about your good qualities. The same is likely to be even truer for your clients. In either case, it is not a good way, as they say, to run a railroad. Certainly if you or your clients want to improve "your railroad's" business you have to know what your liabilities are, but your deficits are not what produce for you. It is more important to know your assets: what stock and how many miles of track you have, what your land holdings are, what your financial assets are, and what business contracts you have been awarded. For you or your clients, focusing on assets should be like going to a spa, bathing in health-giving waters, engaging in pleasurable exercise, and feeling the warmth of a brisk massage. If you and your clients are like most people, you can use physical spa experiences to refresh you so that you can go on with your everyday tasks sustained by two things you may need badly — relaxed muscles and a new outlook. Similarly, you and your clients can achieve inner spa experiences and move toward inner well-being as a result of focusing on things you can do, releasing some of your inner tensions, and gaining a new internal outlook.

CONSIDER THE FOLLOWING: Barbara was highly self-critical and negative about her capabilities. She compared herself to an older brother and sister and she always found herself wanting. A group exercise her counselor organized helped her turn her thinking around. Group members were asked to take turns citing basic or complex things they were able to do: breathe, eat, walk, talk, sleep, think, play the ukulele, dance, and so forth. Barbara felt a rush of warmth each time her turn came and she responded: make friends, smile, cook. From the ideas she and other group members suggested, she could begin to see how many key behaviors she demonstrated every day. Even when another group member said he could fly a plane, something she had always wanted to do, the glow remained. Rather than focus on that deficit, she was inspired by the number of simple, everyday skills and abilities the experience reminded her that she had.

Many of your clients, like Barbara, lose sight of the simple, everyday things they can do, focusing instead on things they cannot do. It is important for them to come to the realization that they spend more time than is desirable in this negative pursuit. Perhaps you yourself are inclined to focus on negatives, rather than emphasizing the things you can do.

SELF-EXAMINATION — JOURNAL ENTRY: Take a few minutes, at least five to ten, and as the first part of your entry, write down the heading and discuss your immediate reaction to the statement . . . I DO MANY THINGS WELL. Next, under the heading THINGS I CAN DO, build a list of simple, everyday things you can do, perhaps beginning with the simplest of all — breathe. Savor each idea as you write it. Keep at it until you get a sense of joy, of spa, from the positiveness of the experience. Continue your journal entry by reflecting on your list of can-do's, and what you learned from making the list . . .

Most of us put labels on ourselves that limit us and hold us in a kind of time warp that often reflects more on the past than the present. Our labels become I-can't-help-it's or I-have-to's that interfere with our freedom to choose. In some measure, inner well-being comes from shucking off old labels that bind us too tightly. A trip to the spa may help us see that the labels we have that do not serve us well can be discarded, or at least modified.

If you say, "I'm a night person" you may use that as an excuse for being rude or dull in the morning — and it is a self-fulfilling prophecy. That is, if you say it often enough you really cannot seem to function well early in the day. However, night person or not, you're not likely to miss the 7 a.m. flight for a week in Bermuda, or for an important business meeting or interview, even if it means getting up at 4:30 AM. We each control our labels; our labels don't control us. Holding labels loosely or discarding them altogether can help us move toward inner well-being.

CONSIDER THE FOLLOWING: Bob was a late maturer who had always been shy around women. He had begun to see himself as a failure there. A fleeting brush with homosexuality had caused him to begin to think of himself as gay, yet he strongly resisted that label for himself. His counselor pointed out his resistance and helped him see that if one ten/thousandth of his behavior had been homosexual it was hardly a basis for taking on that label as a total description of himself. Bob began to work seriously on his shyness, and ultimately met and married a fine young woman. His experiences in that relationship led him to say to his counselor in a subsequent counseling-as-spa visit, "I may be one part in ten thousand homosexual, but I'm nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-nine parts heterosexual."

Like Bob, you or your clients may describe yourselves with labels that limit you or affect you in negative ways. It may be valuable for you to take time to reflect on limiting or negative labels that you use to describe yourself or your behavior.

Here are several pairs of adjectives. Take some time to decide which trait in each pair describes you best. You will be asked to note these in a special way in the journal entry that follows. In some cases you will find that the other adjective also describes you, but less well; keep those adjectives in mind as well.

Here are some positive statements might say to yourself. Circle the number before all of the statements you believe apply to you. You will be asked to note these traits in the journal entry that follows. (The first 8 examples are shown.)

1. I'm a loyal friend

2. I have a pleasant personality

3. When I say I'll do something, I do it

4. I'm friendly toward others

5. I'm often generous

6. I know right from wrong and I act accordingly

7. I can be trusted

8. I have a good sense of humor . . .

It is important for you to realize what your strengths are and to make positive statements about yourself. The alternative is likely to be that you spend time berating and criticizing yourself, thereby heaping gloom on yourself and making matters worse. The same goes for your clients.

While it would be objectionable if your clients were to brag about themselves frequently for all to hear, it is quite another matter if they silently recognize the kinds of strengths they have — or if they enter them in a journal so they can reinforce themselves periodically for their positive qualities.

In our society there seems to be a tendency to value modesty over many other traits. We seem to be quite schizophrenic about this tendency, however, if we can judge by the attention we give to someone like Muhammad Ali, who often said boldly, "I'm the greatest." For those who give great credence to the Biblical injunction, "Blessed are the meek," it is important to reinforce the point that meekness can be an outward expression of great strength that "is not puffed up." To take this point one step further, a New Testament injunction is: "Love your neighbor as yourself." That puts self love, or self-respect, on a very high level. It suggests that the amount individuals love themselves equals the amount they should love their neighbors — but the first criterion is love for self. Finally, it seems clear that those people who love themselves least in our society, and who in turn love others least, are among those who are most likely to turn up in counseling as clients. One key to inner well-being is knowing and appreciating our inner strengths.

Games and scripts are two key elements in the Transactional Analysis lexicon (Berne, 1964). Games are ongoing series of transactions that may appear to be complementary, but that contain an ulterior transaction and a predictable payoff. We'll use Uproar here as an example. Scripts are life roles that are predetermined once the players build particular patterns of behavior, and those patterns are most often encouraged or determined within the family. The life script we'll use as an example is Losing My Mind. Clients who evidence a game or script may be helped to deal with it on the level of learning or relearning; but clients may also be helped to see its humorous side, or may be rewarded for any actions that suggest they are making better choices, thus achieving counseling as spa.

As we have suggested, in the game of Uproar as in other games, roles tend to be predetermined. In this case, one player is the accuser and the other the defendant. In our example, the accuser is the father and the defendant is his teenage daughter, Alicia, who has sought counseling. In a typical rendition of the game, father sees Alicia pulling on her sweater and yells, "Where in hell are you going? The dishes aren't done and you haven't cracked a book yet." Alicia begins to defend herself; an argument results, she runs off to her room in tears, and slams the door. Thus the game begins with Father sending an ulterior "You're not OK," message, in TA terms, and the payoff is that the two maintain interaction, but avoid any semblance of closeness (James and Jongeward, 1971).

If Alicia were your client, and you had identified with her the game she and her father have played in the past, you might subsequently invite a spa experience by saying, "OK, you said a minute ago you had a good week with your dad. How about sharing with me the choices you made that foiled the game of Uproar — I'm sure he gave you the opportunity to play it this week." That experience would be at the spa level if you helped Alicia reward herself for any positive interactions she initiated: "I did one of the things we talked about last time. I asked Dad's advice about something — whether he thought Shirley was taking advantage of me when she asked to borrow my notes — rather than waiting for him to start his attack." Suppose she fell into his trap in another instance — "He lit into me when I was exactly one minute late and I let him get me all upset even though I'd practiced saying calmly, 'Thank you, Dad, for worrying about me.'" You might help Alicia see the humor in falling into his trap, thereby lessening the likelihood that she would make the same choice in the future.

Suppose over time you come to the conclusion that Hal is playing out a very serious and potentially deadly life script — when that phrase is taken to mean ". . . a person's ongoing program for his[her] life drama which dictates where he[she] is going with his[her] life and how he[she] is to get there" (James & Jongeward, 1971, p. 69). The script Hal is compulsively acting out can be called Losing My Mind. You discuss that possibility with him and he agrees that may be the case. He tells you there has been a history of mental illness in his family and that for brief moments sometimes he loses touch with reality. His parents often suggest he is just like his Uncle Charles — and Charles spent years in a mental institution. If you decide to work with Hal rather than referring him to another professional, your strategies for working with him will surely involve learning and relearning. But if you decide to take the counseling process to spa level you might encourage him to list all the functional actions he has taken and the tasks he has performed successfully over the past week, encouraging him to revel in those evidences of his effectiveness and stability.

We have given but one sample of a game and a script in this brief discussion, but the process of counseling offers many possibilities for exploring these matters with clients. Despite any appearances to the contrary, all games and scripts involve choices. An important dimension of counseling can be that of enabling individuals to make effective choices rather than blindly playing out parts in games and scripts. Effective contributions to this goal can be made at the level of spa.

There is every reason for counseling to be a spa experience for the counselor as well as for the client. In a genuine sense, Choice Awareness is a matter of freeing the counselor to work creatively and systematically with the client. Counselors who give themselves permission to be creative can interweave spa moments within any of the levels of counseling through the use of graphics and everyday materials which help focus the attention of the client, present important ideas metaphorically, and lighten the atmosphere — bringing a momentary smile — while furthering the goals of counseling.

Using paper and a felt pen, for example — even if you are the least artistic counselor who ever trod the earth — you can draw a rudimentary sketch of a train headed toward a fork in the roadbed, where one side leads to trouble on a track labeled OD and the other leads to more positive outcomes on a track labeled OK. In such a way, you can represent what is happening with many of your clients. You can draw a series of three ovals and mouths that represent a smiling face, a neutral face, and a frowning face, and label it WHICH FACE DO I SHOW? — thereby helping a client see that he or she is choosing a feeling response to a particular circumstance. You can draw a monstrous stick figure towering over a cringing, smaller figure, and label it HOW TOM SEES HIS BOSS. You can make a sketch in which two people say to the client, "You've got to choose between us," and label it WHICH WAY TO GO? You can print bold lists of alternatives, where appropriate — with or without an accompanying grimacing face — for example, with a person who gets in arguments or fights all the time, and label it WHEN I FEEL LIKE FIGHTING.

Two significant advantages are likely to accrue from such graphics: first, they tend to focus discussion and encourage periodic return to the topic at hand, and second, they can be carried away by the client as tangible reminders of actions he or she has agreed to take (see Nelson, 1987 reference for a fuller explanation of these ideas and additional ways of using graphics in counseling). . .

(The omission at this point includes several suggestions for achieving spa based on the work of Ed Jacobs [1988])

Developing spa experiences for clients offers you as counselor special opportunities to be creative and positive at the same time. The essence of spa is whatever is likely to generate positive feelings, joy, in clients' lives. Tailor spa experiences in counseling to the special needs of your clients — in ways that reinforce them for gains they have made. We suggest you save five minutes or so at the end of any interview to bring your clients to the level of spa in counseling — it will enable them to face the world with a more positive outlook, with greater strength to meet their daily challenges. You can do this by creating your own activities that fit the needs of your clients, or by extending lists or continuing with activities you have begun. Do not balk at repetition. Most clients can endure endless reiteration if it involves extending a list of positive traits, things I can do, or positive self-statements — in the same way they are able to endure hearing the statement, "I love you," repeated endlessly, if it is said sincerely. At the very least, consider creating spa moments throughout the counseling process.

Learning and relearning are familiar dimensions of counseling for experienced counselors. These dimensions involve assisting clients with major and minor choice points that affect their lives, or with explorations — at one or another of many possible levels of intensity — of the personal concerns that challenge them. On the other hand, spa in counseling includes helping clients to consider the everyday things they can do, to examine and challenge their labels, to consider their positive traits, to explore their strengths, and to savor the gains that result from counseling. We challenge you to go beyond the traditional and vital aspects of counseling — learning and relearning — and do what you can to create spa opportunities with those you counsel. Achieving those special moments with your clients may help you experience spa for yourself.

Berne, E. (1964). Games people play. New York: Grove Press.

Jacobs, E. (1988). Use of creative techniques and props in individual and group counseling. ASCA Elementary/Middle School Guidance Conference, Colorado.

James, M. & Jongeward, D. (1971). Born to win. Reading, MA: Addison-Wesley.

Nelson, R. C. (1987). Graphics in counseling. Elementary School Guidance and Counseling, 22, 17-29.