Theron Aiken

Sample Comparison Essay

Viva la Difference

Throughout man’s history, the roles of men and women in society have changed drastically as have our relationships with one another. Women have emerged from obscurity to become a dominant force in society, and men have still not caught up with the changes. As a consequence, outdated mores and practices, applied to relationships by both men and women, cause both men and women confusion and frustration and doom many relationships to failure. However, in spite of social changes, some basic principles about men and women remain the same, and if we can come to understand these principles and accept them, perhaps we can help relationships to survive. At the heart of the problem is the fact that men and women view the world and their role in it in very different ways.

            The main difference between men and women is in their expectations of the other sex. While men hope for the fulfillment of their desire—that is, in a sexual context—women, on the other hand, hope for the condition of being desired. For women, being desired by men is a validation of their femininity as well as an assurance of their ability to have a man in their life which represents to them a form of security. While in today’s world, women want to have careers and be independent, there comes a time when they want to put those things on hold and have children. Knowing that they can attract a man for those purposes and that they are desirable, is a sense of security for women. Men, on the other hand, when they reach maturity, want to, at least biologically, spread their sperm as far and wide as possible. Both men and women are driven by biological needs and genetic imperatives, but the two drives are not necessarily compatible. Usually social mores and customs and civilized behavior bring these two drives together in marriage and propagation, but in getting to that point, the drives are really at cross purposes.

            Another important distinction between men and women is in their orientation to the world around them. Men have always been conquerors—conquerers of other men and of their environment. This is how men define themselves, by their ability to control their environment and to take charge of it. This has been referred to as being sky oriented. In ancient mythologies, male gods were usually associated with the sky, while female goddesses were associated with the earth. Thus, in contrast to men, women’s goals and aspirations are more earth-bound while men’s are projected outward. This is a result of women being more attuned to the cycles of nature through menstruation and child-birth and men being more outwardly projected to serve as provider and protector. In today’s society, it must be confusing, on some subconscious level, to men to see women being sky-oriented as they pursue education and careers and move into positions of control and authority over men.

            Finally, once in relationships, men and women’s needs differ greatly. A woman’s greatest need from a mate is love. This is the word that we use to describe her need for security, assurance of the future and fidelity—in other words, her continued desirability. Women, of course, fear being left alone, more so than men; this is especially true once she has children. So for a relationship to work for a woman, she needs constant reassurance of her mate’s love for her. Men, on the other hand, need respect. Since a man defines himself by his work and his accomplishments, he needs his mate’s recognition of those accomplishments more than he needs love. Also, the conquerer in the male never really disappears, and this tendency often causes him to either become more devoted to his work than to his mate or to stray in fidelity. The needs of men and women are very different and need to be recognized and understood by one another.

            If men and women could recognize the different perspectives and needs of one another, perhaps they could do a better job of forming relationships and keeping those relationships together. Unfortunately, men expect women to think like them and need the same things as them, and conversely, women expect men to be like them. Biologically, this is impossible, but more importantly, men and women have been genetically engineered and socially conditioned over thousands of years to act, think and feel differently than each other. The difference causes all the problems as well as all the joys.